It looks like a fist.

But it's not.

For the past week or so, I haven't been counting days--I've been counting classes.  The advantage is that on Mondays and Wednesdays, I'm able to count down two instead of just one.
The disadvantage, of course, is that I spent five days staring at three fingers.
But no longer!  That fist is one of victory, and also indicates I don't have any more classes.  I fly home early Friday morning (6:00 early), and I'm not planning on going to bed at all Thursday night.  Consider it a preemptive strike against jet lag.

Things I will miss about Istanbul
-The baklava.  Both walnut and pistachio.
-Having a few hours free and going to see the Archeology Museum, or something equally cool.
-The Ayasofya.
-People watching.
-The fruit.
-Çai.
-Nargele.
-The cats in the garden.
-Pilaf.
-Public transportation.
-Sultanahmet Camii.
-Reading a placard that says "1750" and thinking "that's not old."
-The call to prayer.
-Simit.
-FETA.
-Stained glass windows.
-Seeing Istiklal lit up at night.
-The domes and minarets.
-Painted tiles.
-Three-story Starbucks.
-Mosaics.
-Seeing the Theodosian walls on my way to school.
-The architecture in general.

Things I will not miss about Istanbul
-Spending an hour one way to get to school.
-Not being able to differentiate between 5 and 10 kuruş coins.
-The lack of English bookstores.
-Having a window that looks out on the street...when the street is at the level of my shoulders.
-The notorious lack of answered email.
-Public transportation.
-10-hour time difference.
-Unreliable water pressure, water heat, and water.
-Not having to struggle to understand basic signs.
-Creepy come-ons in the Grand Bazaar.
-Red tape.
-The ants in the kitchen.  No matter what I do, they keep coming back.


I've also been doing a lot of last-minute sightseeing, since that gets put on the back shelf when you think you're going to be in the same place for a year.  I'll put the photos up soon.  There are lots (surprise).

m.

It's official (well, sort of):

I'm coming home....

Details to be worked out, photos to be taken, finals to be completed before the deadlines, but I've made the decision to go back to Coe next semester (with hopefully a layover in Washington).

And yes, it feels so very wonderful.

m.

And now, to bed. It is a school night, after all.

Today was Black Friday,

and I did the unthinkable: for the first time in my life, I left the house and went somewhere with shops.

But, seeing as how Black Friday doesn't really exist here, it didn't matter this much.

I got the information for a photo place from Anni, one of the other Erasmus students, which was the first thing in a long while that's gone the way I had hoped it would. I then continued on to the IETT office to stand around for two hours, waiting to get my card.

Well, I didn't have to stand around for two hours.

The machine that dispenses numbers was out of order, or they'd stopped giving out numbers for the day...considering my Turkish hasn't progressed past the terms I need on a day-to-day basis, I still have issues with, well, most written things. (I'd also like to add: I arrived at 12:30, the office closes at 4, and when I was there on Wednesday, there were people getting numbers at 1:30, so it's not like I got there abnormally late or anything.)

So I still don't have my transportation card. I'll be back Monday morning at 8 for a third time. I'd love to have someone to rail at, but since red tape doesn't have a face, I'm not entirely who should be taking the brunt of my pissed-offed-ness.

I know I keep saying "I want to go home," but after all of this, I'm starting (starting) to think that I may go back to Iowa next semester.

I haven't decided anything yet, though.

What's really making it difficult is how easy it was. If all that had happened was applying for the program and then coming here, it would be totally different.

But that's not what happened.

Turkey was my third choice to study abroad, and it was the one that fit best and the one I was most excited about. And then there was Selin, and then more connections (thanks to my aunt who knows everyone my other aunt won't meet), and it all was so clear that Istanbul was where I was supposed to be. I haven't gotten many neon signs from God, but this was one of them.

That's what's making it so hard. I never really considered spending only a semester here, for several reasons, but now I'm staring at the mark five weeks out (classes end in five weeks, and then there are another two of finals, which I can finagle if I need to), willing it to come sooner than humanly possible.

So there's the part of me that really, really, really wants to go home. But there's another part of me that's tempted to stay for another semester. Part of the problem that I'm running into is that I don't really know any of the other students. Yes, I know that's my fault, but what I didn't realize at the time was that the only time I'd have to get to know them was during the parties (when everyone was drinking) or the barhopping. I think that if I stayed for another semester, I'd be far more willing to go out barhopping, knowing that it would pay off in the end.

And if I ever manage to fight my way through all of this red tape (I think I may buy some red ribbon when I get home and burn it), I won't have to deal with it again.

But, on the other hand again, I don't want to put up with the classes here any more than I have to. It was highly enjoyable to have easy classes for the first month or so, but now I'm just bored. Courses (with the exception of Graphic design) are interesting while my butt's in the seat, but after that, there isn't anything, really, to think about. The only homework I ever get is in Studio Design--a model a week--which I like, and the professors' comments are interesting and make me think, but the models only take me an evening to make, and I feel like I have to do all of the pushing myself. I try to come up with something interesting, that fits the criteria, and that I like, and with those three (rather simple) things, I have models that are near the top of the heap. Well, except for the time I completely missed the point of the assignment, but I'm pretty sure that was a translation problem. It's like almost no one in the class (they're all first years) is really interested in what's being said.

Normally, I'd have more patience with that kind of thing, but since Turkey works the same way most European schools do, which means all 50-ish of those students decided to study architecture, and even with a translator, it's obvious we're learning about the fundamentals.

m.

Reiteration

[A Warning, but not Apology: Herein lies Language.]

Fuck this. I really do mean that. This has moved so far beyond the realm of insanity that I don't think it even has a name.

I am tired of this fucking country, and of this city, and I just want to go home.

I have been here for three months, and I cannot take it anymore. I can't get to school without relying on the people I live with. I can't get a transportation card because I don't have a real photograph of myself. I don't like photos of myself. I hardly have any digitally, let alone on photo paper, let alone with me.

I'm supposed to go get my permanent residency visa tomorrow, for which I need 4 photographs. However, after today, I have to wonder if my original plan (for which I still need a printer) will even work; if they'll accept what I have, or if the red tape that my life seems to be draped in will prevent me.

When I can actually get to my classes, they require minimum brain power on my part. The professors enjoy changing hours without regard to other classes we (read: I) have, and when I try to leave early, I get lectured in front of the entire class.

I have yet to find someone even remotely like me, which means, someone with whom I can have a real conversation and doesn't consider barhopping the best way to spend a night.

I miss nature. Trees, mountains, water (the Golden Horn and Bosporus just don't cut it, you can see the other side and there's nothing water-y about them).

Everywhere I go, it seems like I go alone, which, three months in, sucks. I am so bereft of things to do in acceptable circumstances (ie., going to the Spice Market with someone) that I've finished well over a thousand pages of reading material, most of that in about three weeks, crocheted four scarves and torn two of them apart, doubled the length of the story I've been working on, and spent what has probably amounted to over a hundred hours just walking up and down Istikal.

Due to this, I don't want to devote any more than an hour to reading, have stopped wearing scarves, am second-gussing every word I write, and don't ever want to walk down Istikal again.

In short, I'm miserable, and despite there being some good things, it feels as though most of this trip so far has just been one long string of things that I have to deal with or fix, even if I can't or shouldn't have to (or both). So far, I'm not entirely sure what I've gotten out of it except seeing how long I can last in conditions like this.

m.

Don't worry, I'm still alive. Also, bureaucracy sucks here.

[Please note: this is not going to be pretty. In the end, I like Turkey more than it's going to sound.]

I think most of my current issues can be wrapped up in five words: I want to go home.

I miss green. I miss natural things.

I also miss intellectual stimulation. While three of my classes are interesting (Disaster, Istanbul Architecture, and Design Studio), they really don't require any work outside of class.

Well, that's not quite true--I have models to build in Design Studio, but that's just once a week.

Arts & Culture (when we have class) involves visiting places, which I like, but we don't go anywhere out of the ordinary. And Graphic Design is a joke. Midterms are this week, and we've had four classes. For one of those, the professor didn't show up so the TA taught (which was fine, since she's far better than the prof), and for another, the he decided that even though the entire class is international, he'd give the lecture in Turkish.

In addition, the Turkish government has decided to make some changes in the transportation, which seems to involve removing ticket booths from some (that's right, only some) MetroBus stops, meaning the only way to ride is if you have a card. Which I don't have.

Since there was no warning (Monday morning, the metal booth had vanished), I've had to depend on the kind people who do have passes, and have been trying to get my own.

I tried to go to the IETT office today to get it, but it...wasn't there. I searched the entire area. No luck.

I am not enthused. In fact, I'm quite pissed.

On a different note: pictures.

The first group is some of the cats that frequent our garden. I've become friends with many of them, and most have names.

The second is of St. Anthony of Padua Church, on Istikal cadessi.

m.